CELEBDISH CUTLETS
-->Reports People mag: After a stay of less than a week, Richie Sambora has left his rehab program at the UCLA medical center. Seems pretty quick to be fully recovered.
-->Last night Paris Hilton was moved back to Lynwood, where she originally started her sentence. As of now, she is in the medical ward at Lynwood, but since she has been deemed "medically stable," she will return to her solitary cell in the special needs division. The secret medical condition? Panic attacks.
-->At last night's NYC premiere of "A Mighty Heart", Angelina Jolie went with a $26 vintage dress from a thrift store in LA, as opposed to a designer gown. Smacks of Sharon Stone's GAP turtleneck. But cooler, because it's vintage. Oh Angie, you're so edgy.

You may think that's Calum Best that Lindsay Lohan has mounted, but really that's her bodyguard, the only person (so far) to visit her at Promises Rehab Clinic. Or whatevs. They probably call it "Relaxation Resort" instead of what it really is.

According to Star, it doesn't sound like this relaxo ranch vacay is working out quite as well as the last stint in rehab did, meaning no one has managed to sneak in pills this time and she hasn't taken any breaks to go clubbing. This go-round found Lindsay in major detox--think Leonardo DiCaprio in "Basketball Diaries." Here's the story:


The young actress was in such a dire state that staff at the rehab facility prepared for the worst.

“She looked dead,” says a source, who adds that the troubled actress appeared to be scary skinny, pale as a ghost and very quite. “She looked like a stray dog the pound had just taken in.”
Insiders reveal to Star that party girl Lindsay spent her first 4 days detoxing, from alcohol, cocaine, and prescription drugs like Percocet and Vicodin.

“She said she felt bad – really bad,” says the source. But she’s gone through rehab before and she said she’d be OK if she were left alone to lie down in a dark room. She apparently was a veteran who knew the drill and was “used to doing it her own way.”

She got the “sweats” during the detox process, but seemed really tough about it. She refused meals, says the source, but wanted water and crackers. This is Lindsay’s second stint in rehab this year, first in January at the Wonderland Center in L.A.

At $48,000 for a 30-day stay, Lindsay gets a room with an ocean view in the 16-person facility. No cell phones or BlackBerrys are allowed, but somehow, say insiders she managed to get her BlackBerry in - and shockingly she’s been asking friends to smuggle sleeping pills in as well!

“She’s in rehab because of her addiction to drugs – everything from cocaine to OxyContin and Ambien – but she’s complaining she can’t sleep,” says a close friend. “She’s been texting friends 24/7, begging them for pills!” Insiders also reveal that she’s more concerned about her upcoming 21st birthday bash in Las Vegas on July 2.

Lindsay has given up on meals, but has been loading up on coffee sweetened with about 25 packages of Splenda. A source reveals to Star, “It’s typical for someone coming off cocaine, even alcohol, to load up on sweets. I’ve heard this can happen with almost any patient. Sugar gives you a high.”

Lindsay also hired a sobriety coach at $2000 a day to be with her around the clock, and is occasionally allowed off the Promises premises to attend addiction group meetings. She won’t allow her parents, Dina and Michael, to visit her."

I'd like to touch on the Splenda topic. I currently consume 15-25 packets of Equal a day and with all that aspartame coursing through my veins, I'm not buzzed. Do I probs need to detox from sweetner? Mos def. Do I sympathize because they only serve decaf coffee in rehab? Totally. But Lindsay gave up on food long ago, so this is nothing new. I'm really curious to see where this goes, if rehab will stick this time or if she'll resort back to her old ways.

See? She really does go to rehab (as evidenced by the chain smoking--she must fit right in), she just doesn't stay.

Sources are reporting to PEOPLE that Britney Spears has checked out of her second rehab facility in less than a week, this time at Malibu's Promises. This is what she's missing:

"Along with our West Los Angeles facility, Promises Malibu provides primary, inpatient treatment to alcoholics and addicts hooked on prescription or illegal drugs. This means that our residents live full time on our Malibu estate while undergoing treatment for their addiction. Supervised by a medical staff of physicians, physciatrists and nurses and a clinical staff of licensed therapists and social workers, Promises Malibu offers the most comprehensive care for you or your loved one. Our addiction treatment program encompasses detox, dual diagnosis treatment, twelve step education, CBT therapy, experiential therapy, group counseling, indvidual therapy and more - all uniquely planned for each individual resident."

So, in other words, a ball o' fun. And CBT, for those not in the know, is "cognitive Behavioral Therapy." I only know this because my mother uses it, most likely on me.

Britney checked out after less than 24 hours in the facility, against the advice of staff and family, and met with lawyer Blair Berk this afternoon. I know you're thinking, it's for her divorce from KFed, but this is the lawyer who represented Mel "Sugartits" Gibson for his DUI and also Reese Witherspoon in her fight with the paparazzi. Most likely, Britney is meeting with him to file some sort of suit against the paparazzi, as they camped outside of Promises and wouldn't "leave her alone." Wouldn't it be nice if there was a law that banned Britney Spears from being in the tabloids with her chatch out? She'd get a little peace and quiet, we wouldn't lose our lunches, all would be well in the world. Except for that little matter of Paris Hilton....



PSYCH! It's Britney! Not Paris, or even Madonna circa the Material Girl tour. She's tricky that Brit...just when we thought we were getting used to her Susan Powter hair, she pulls a fast one!

"Access Hollywood" reveals that actress/reformed party girl Lindsay Lohan is out rehab. She left Wonderland rehab facility on Friday after completing a 30-day stay publicist Leslie Sloane-Zelnick told Access exclusively. "She will continue as an outpatient," Sloane-Zelnick told Access' Michael Lewittes. "She will take it day by day." "She's in it for the long haul, and she asks that her privacy be respected," the publicist added. Lohan checked herself into rehab in early January days after reports surfaced she passed out at a post-Golden Globes soiree.

Lindsay's version of rehab was like a "Choose Your Adventure" book: On the schedule today is therapeutic arts and crafts in common room B. If you'd like to skip this activity to go shopping with your friends, please turn to page 17. (On page 17) Your doctor is requesting that you be observed during today's therapy session. If you'd prefer to go sober clubbing, turn to page 11.

Well, I posted too soon. It seems that "Extra" is reporting that Britney Spears has entered a rehab facility and that's why she's off the paparazzi radar. But if she truly is a celeb, she'll find a way to stay in the public eye while she's in rehab, just like Lindsay Lohan did.

“Extra” has learned that pop star Britney Spears is entering a rehab facility.

Spears was last seen leaving New York City four nights ago on a private jet with her two young sons heading to Miami.

Then, she disappeared off the paparazzi radar. Spears entering rehab comes after months of hard partying and friends having reached out to her to seek help.

This is all they have to say, which causes me to wonder if this is just wishful speculation. No official comment has been made, so we'll have to stay tuned to "Extra" for the latest news...ugh, Mark McGrath? No thanks. So let's go to TMZ.com for more deets:

"TMZ has learned that while Britney Spears checked-in to rehab, she refused to stay and checked out -- less than twenty-four hours later!

As "EXTRA" first reported, the pop star entered a rehab facility two days ago. Now TMZ has learned that the center was located outside of the country, and she refused to stay.

TMZ is told that Britney checked in at the urging of friends and family, after being seen intoxicated in public places and was so "exhausted" on New Year's Eve she collapsed.

According to TMZ sources, Britney is on her way back to Los Angeles.

A rep for Britney could not immediately be reached for comment."

Hmmmm...Reconstructing Britney is the challenge of the century: lose the sauce, gain some clothes, take mothering classes, and release hit album. Can it be done?

CELEB DISH CUTLETS

--> From Dlisted.com, "Just in case you care or watched Felicity, Keri Russell got married in New York yesterday. Keri married longtime boyfriend, Shane Deary, in a Valentine’s Day ceremony. The two are both 30 and expecting a brat this Summer."

--> In an interview with CNN, Jim Carrey called Tom Cruise "a big joke". And this is AFTER he was invited to the wedding, an honor not even bestowed upon Oprah! “Everyone gets to be the big joke for a year. That’s this business. Last year it was Tom Cruise. I could be the next Kathie Lee Gifford. But you have to say to yourself, ‘Wait a minute, dude, that’s not you.’” Looks like Jim Carrey will always be a joke.

--> Robbie Williams is in rehab. I don't want him rehabilitated if that means he'll be producing more music. "Millennium?" That better have been the drugs talking.

SOME CELEBDISH CUTLETS

--> Though they're reported to be on/off, Britney's boyfriend Isaac Cohen was recently spotted at lingerie boutique La Bra (ha ha, imagine calling them up: "This is La Bra") buying not two, not three, but seven pairs of underwear for our favorite non-panty sporting "singer." You need a fucking grocery cart for seven pairs of underwear, that's one for every day of the week, so let's say she's covered in that department.

--> Miss USA Tara Conner is on lockdown: aftering emerging from rehab, she will set up shop in a new uptown apartment, AWAY from her fellow pageant winners at Trump Plaza. Her news digs come with complimentary chaperone and strict rules (ex: she is no longer allowed to go clubbing and I would venture to say she's no longer allowed to snort coke and make out with other girls).

--> The new Celebrity Fit Club is already brewing with onset feuds, the first one involving host Ant (Ant? Didn't Adam Ant already NOT make it big, therefore destroying all references to his name? I refuse to believe his real name is Ant), medical/diet expert Dr. Ian, and a cigarette. The cooler feud involves Screech aka Dustin Diamond of newfound pornstar fame and former "American Idol" contestant Kimberly Locke, which began when Diamond said he would "make a dildo of my cock and fuck her with it." Locke, along with almost every member of the cast, including 80's pop star Tiffany, rap star Warren G and "Brady Bunch" star Maureen "Marcia" McCormick all stormed off the set. Only Ross the Intern stayed. Then producers exiled Diamond so he would have no contact with the rest of the cast, which I believe is what the rest of society should do.

--> Singer Brandy was involved in a car wreck on December 30, 2006 on the Los Angeles freeway. The accident claimed the life of 38-year-old Awatef Aboudihaj. An eyewitness tells TMZ Brandy was traveling at around 65 miles per hour but did not stop when traffic in front of her slowed. Brandy's vehicle struck the vehicle in front of her and triggered a four car crash. There is no evidence of drugs or alcohol and Brandy was not arrested. The California Highway Patrol has recommended that singer-actress Brandy be prosecuted for misdemeanor vehicular manslaughter. A CHP source tells TMZ his department has ruled out mechanical malfunction as the cause of the crash. The source adds that the CHP believes Brandy "was just going too fast" and "was the person at fault." If convicted, Brandy could face one year in L.A. County Jail and a $1,000 fine. Okay, realize now she's just going to get the fine and will NOT go to jail. Let's be serious here, she's no Lil' Kim.

--> Capio Nightingale Hospital received two new patients in Kate Moss and Pete Doherty, who checked in under false names to attend rehab. The UK Sun reports: The supermodel and the shambolic rocker checked secretly into the discreet Capio Nightingale Hospital just half a mile from her home in North West London. They met staff who cleared a 12-place unit at an annexe behind the main hospital building off busy Marylebone Road. Kate, who has previously been in rehab after being caught snorting cocaine, has told pals she is determined to support the troubled BABYSHAMBLES frontman. She is said to be battling to help Doherty come off drugs.
A source said: “They arrived together and will be supporting each other.” Kate is discussing her relationship feelings while Pete has a much harder fight on his hands to sort himself out. The source added: “They looked very much a couple as they came in and she is clearly worried about him.” Sooooo...the whole anonymity thing worked out well. I had a feeling those photogs who follow pair constantly would blow their cover, though you never know what a "Cam & Sam Shamsie" alias can do to hide an identity. Who am I kidding, Pete was probs shooting up at the check-in counter. I know, I know, I'm acting like this is a hotel, but again, you've heard my thoughts on celeb rehab. Lohan is mos def able to score coke in rehab.

--> New couple alert! Aside from Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen, who supposedly are now dating after she was seen hanging around the lockerrom and Brady was seen texting furiously the entire time he was out with "the guys", welcome Sienna Miller and Puffy to the coupledom club. They looked very close at Sundance, and then the pair was spotted entering Sienna's NYC hotel early Sunday am after a night of partying. Also, Puffy demanded that all photos and videos be destroyed of the two, but we all know how well paparazzi listen. Like not at all!

--> I just learned that LMAO means "laughing my ass off." Now I can add this to my litany of acronyms: LOL (laughing out loud) WBS (write back soon) KIT (keep in touch) BFF (best friends forever) and my personal fav, LYLAS (love ya like a sister).