Celebitchy, one of the best news format blogs out there, is taking a vote among its readers to ban coverage of Paris, Britney, and Lindsay...here's what they had to say about the terrible trio's exploits this week:

"So Britney Spears ditched her cousin/personal assistant Alli and shacked up with her bodyguard. She is said to binge drinking, eating and shopping. She is also under investigation by California Child Protective services, and they cited her for not putting gates around her pool area. It still not that interesting to me, and I don’t give a crap about Britney. She does pull a lot of dumb stunts though, and it’s hard not to pay attention to her.

Paris Hilton was sort-of caught smoking herb this week, she went out wearing a t-shirt with a pop art portrait of herself on it.

Lindsay Lohan is a bit more interesting as her lesbian affair with DJ Samantha Ronson was exposed through lovey MySpace messages. She also claimed rehab saved her life and bragged about how she’s reading Machiavelli’s The Prince, which surely helps her feel justified for treating people like crap and stealing from her friends.

So who should we cover, if any of them?"

Feel free to vote in the comments section of celebitchy.com!

From Celebitchy: "A judge has ordered Michael and Dina Lohan, the divorced parents of Lindsay and younger siblings sister Aliana, 13, and brother Dakota, 11, to attend therapy together. The judge presiding over the custody battle for Lindsay’s younger siblings says that therapy will aim to reunite Lindsay’s father Michael with his children. Michael was released from prison in March after serving less than two years out of a four year sentence for DUI and assault.

This week’s Enquirer is reporting that Michael plans to reveal that his wife used cocaine while pregnant with Lindsay if things don’t go his way in the custody battle. This is not entirely new, as these details about Dina’s alleged cocaine use were revealed during their divorce:

In court documents related to the Lohans’ divorce, Michael stated: “During our courtship, my wife abused cocaine on a regular basis. She would fly into fits of rage… and while my wife was pregnant with our oldest child, Lindsay, she would travel regularly to Flushing, Queens, in order to purchase cocaine.

“My wife has always rationalized her use of cocaine by saying that ‘it sharpens her talents’”

[From National Enquirer print edition, July 2, 2007]

Lohan’s mom denies using cocaine while pregnant.

The Enquirer quotes an expert as saying that if this is true, it could genetically predispose Lindsay to become an addict herself. Whether the cause of Lindsay’s addictive personality is nature or nuture or a combination of both, it’s not that much of a stretch to look to her messed up family as inspiration. I’m not saying that she shouldn’t have personal responsibility for her issues, just that you can see where they come from.

Lohan is wisely going to spend more time in Promises rehab beyond 30 days. Dina says she’s “doing great” and is going into the facility’s “extended care program.” Lindsay’s 21st birthday party in Vegas on July 2nd has been cancelled, but she will still have an alcohol-free party outside of the facility. While I wish her the best and hope she cleans up for good, the skeptic in me thinks she’s staying longer in rehab so that she can time her exit to maximum effect. If she were to get out now, her return to the paparazzi spotlight would be eclipsed by Paris’ big release from jail.

From DListed: "Lindsay Lohan has cancelled her big 21st Birthday bash which was set for July 2nd at Pure in Las Vegas. Homegirl is still at Promises rehab after checking herself in on May 28th. She's due to be popped out in the next two weeks.

Her spokeswhore said, "The party was canceled officially over two weeks ago. We were confused why PURE was even still promoting it. But Lindsay will not be having the birthday party at PURE and is focusing on her recovery 100 percent.”

A source at Pure told UsWeekly that they agreed to let her out even though she was paid for it and signed a contract."

Oh boo hoo. She can't have her first drink on her 21st bday. Too bad. She'll have to go back to chugging out of the bottle.

I don't remember this car crash being that bad. Then again, Lindsay Lohan's been involved in numerous car crashes since she got her license (did they even give her a road test?), the latest bringing DUI charges against her, as well as narcotics possession, since a "usable amount" of cocaine was found in her car. From DListed: "The dude suing Lindsay Lohan for crashing into his van outside The Ivy restaurant in 2005 is also suing the restaurant, because he claims bitch was drunk during the accident. The lawsuit claims that The Ivy is partly responsible for the accident, because they served Lindsay booze right before the crash. He is seeking $200,000 in damages. If The Ivy served her ass shouldn't they be investigated or something? Bitch was a minor when this went down and of course she was drunk! Does homegirl do anything sober anymore?" I agree with Michael K, they need to launch a full-scale assault on the clubs and restaurants in LA and NYC for letting underage stars in, especially when they end the evening with a car crash. Bring back the keg party, boycott clubs! Drink in peace in your own home! That worked for me. Er, "works" for me.

Here's Lindsay Lohan's Myspace page URL: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=187956892
to see for yourself her blog, directed at her former bodyguard who just sold his story to Britain's News of the World.

But here's the text of it, and the asterisks are his phone number.

"you can run

a former friend who was supposed to protect me, instead did the opposite and ran to a British tabloid to get a couple dollars. He's stolen camera/memory cards, panties, jewelry, and even money. he's a con artist and that's the reason he was fired last year. He will be held responsible for the false stories & recent pictures he's been circulating verywhere (sp.?)

give Lee a piece of your mind *** *** ****"

And of course, she's got 50 or so comments saying, "What an asshole! Some people will sell you out Lindsay!" Grow up. First of all, don't publish personal information via your Myspace page. Second, false stories? Which can be corroborated with hundreds of other people and photographic evidence of you doing blow? Nice try, small fry. And don't try to throw in a 5 cent word you don't know how to spell.

From Bricks and Stones: "Lindsay Lohan is reportedly getting sued for crashing into a parked van in October of 2005. Lindsay was leaving The Ivy and hit a car that was making an illegal u-turn, then she hit the parked van. Lohan claimed that the paparazzi was chasing her at the time.

The LA Sheriff’s department issued a statement regarding the paparazzi:

“Preliminary investigations have revealed that paparazzi were not a factor in the traffic collision.”

The owner of the van sent Lindsay a letter asking Lindsay to pay for the damages, and when she didn’t respond, he filed a suit in small claims court for $3,624."

Which won't set her back too much, as B&S noted, because that is her daily allowance for drugs anyways. You know what they say about Lindsay Lohan: $3,624? Gone in a nostril!

Turns out Lindsay Lohan learned lying from her mother Dina...The NY Post has uncovered that Dina never was and never has been a Rockette, as she once claimed.

"DINA Lohan, the leggy mother of Lindsay, is always described as a former Radio City Music Hall Rockette - but she’s not. After an inquiry from The Post, a spokeswoman for Radio City called back to say an exhaustive search found no record of Dina Lohan, or Donata Sullivan (her maiden name), ever being a Rockette. Execs at Cablevision, which owns Radio City, were said to be indignant anyone would claim to be a Rockette who wasn’t. “It’s like claiming to have a degree from Harvard when you don’t. It’s a big deal to be a Rockette,” said our source. A Google search of “Dina Lohan Rockette” yesterday turned up 884 links. Biographies of Dina, 44, also say the 5-foot-111/2 blonde acted on the Broadway stage and in commercials - also apparently not true. “Look in SAG [the Screen Actors Guild]. Look in AFTRA [American Federation of Televison & Radio Artists]. Dina isn’t a member,” said a family source. “She never did a Broadway show. She never did ads.”

She's the most fame-hungry spotlight-grabbing momager that's come along in a while. No wonder Lindsay thinks she can lie her way out of interviews in which she admits to being bulimic and a drug user, then later recants, despite her words being caught on tape. She must've learned it at home.

You may think that's Calum Best that Lindsay Lohan has mounted, but really that's her bodyguard, the only person (so far) to visit her at Promises Rehab Clinic. Or whatevs. They probably call it "Relaxation Resort" instead of what it really is.

According to Star, it doesn't sound like this relaxo ranch vacay is working out quite as well as the last stint in rehab did, meaning no one has managed to sneak in pills this time and she hasn't taken any breaks to go clubbing. This go-round found Lindsay in major detox--think Leonardo DiCaprio in "Basketball Diaries." Here's the story:


The young actress was in such a dire state that staff at the rehab facility prepared for the worst.

“She looked dead,” says a source, who adds that the troubled actress appeared to be scary skinny, pale as a ghost and very quite. “She looked like a stray dog the pound had just taken in.”
Insiders reveal to Star that party girl Lindsay spent her first 4 days detoxing, from alcohol, cocaine, and prescription drugs like Percocet and Vicodin.

“She said she felt bad – really bad,” says the source. But she’s gone through rehab before and she said she’d be OK if she were left alone to lie down in a dark room. She apparently was a veteran who knew the drill and was “used to doing it her own way.”

She got the “sweats” during the detox process, but seemed really tough about it. She refused meals, says the source, but wanted water and crackers. This is Lindsay’s second stint in rehab this year, first in January at the Wonderland Center in L.A.

At $48,000 for a 30-day stay, Lindsay gets a room with an ocean view in the 16-person facility. No cell phones or BlackBerrys are allowed, but somehow, say insiders she managed to get her BlackBerry in - and shockingly she’s been asking friends to smuggle sleeping pills in as well!

“She’s in rehab because of her addiction to drugs – everything from cocaine to OxyContin and Ambien – but she’s complaining she can’t sleep,” says a close friend. “She’s been texting friends 24/7, begging them for pills!” Insiders also reveal that she’s more concerned about her upcoming 21st birthday bash in Las Vegas on July 2.

Lindsay has given up on meals, but has been loading up on coffee sweetened with about 25 packages of Splenda. A source reveals to Star, “It’s typical for someone coming off cocaine, even alcohol, to load up on sweets. I’ve heard this can happen with almost any patient. Sugar gives you a high.”

Lindsay also hired a sobriety coach at $2000 a day to be with her around the clock, and is occasionally allowed off the Promises premises to attend addiction group meetings. She won’t allow her parents, Dina and Michael, to visit her."

I'd like to touch on the Splenda topic. I currently consume 15-25 packets of Equal a day and with all that aspartame coursing through my veins, I'm not buzzed. Do I probs need to detox from sweetner? Mos def. Do I sympathize because they only serve decaf coffee in rehab? Totally. But Lindsay gave up on food long ago, so this is nothing new. I'm really curious to see where this goes, if rehab will stick this time or if she'll resort back to her old ways.

If Warhol had painted Lindsay, Paris, and Britney....

When your coked-out party pics hit Page Six, you're in trouble. Wild child Lindsay Lohan appears in photos apparently taken a little over a month ago, with 26 year old Vanessa Minillo, former TRL "correspondent" and girlfriend to Nick Lachey. Weird that they hang out and play pirate together. Lindsay, who has been spotted in the past wearing bandages on her wrists and has admitted to experimenting with cutting, has her trademark sexpot pout going, while Vanessa is trying just as hard to look hot/dangerous. A lot of blogs are calling this scandalous and creepy, but I think it just sounds like coked-up girls trying to look hot who decide to have a photo shoot in the wee hours of the morning post-party at someone's house.

More on Lindsay from Bricks and Stones: Taken just weeks before she was admitted to rehab for the second time, the drugs-crazed 20-year-old wild child is captured holding a knife to a friend's throat at a party. The pal is also pictured sliding another blade down the Mean Girls star's breast as Lindsay slips her own knife into her mouth in a chilling game.

A source told News of the World: "These photos are very worrying. Lindsay is so out of control. She should not be left within a million miles of a knife. The states Lindsay gets herself into she is lucky to be alive." News of the World exclusive pictures were taken four months ago at a house party where Lindsay was publicly claiming she was reformed and sober after her first bout of rehab.

Now she is back in a Malibu clinic after driving her Mercedes into a tree, high on coke and booze. Last night a friend from Lindsay's inner circle revealed how the star's mental state has continued to crumble behind the walls of the Promises clinic in California.

"On the first night she couldn't stop crying. Since then she's refused to follow the rules and keeps having hissy fits about people," says our source.

The Promises clinic is where singer Britney Spears went earlier this year. Patients have to stay a minimum of 30 days. Our source said Lindsay's family have paid for three guards to be with her in the clinic to make sure she does not escape. The friend added: "The clinic even took her mobile from her to make sure she can't call people who are a bad influence on her. "But she went berserk so they gave her a new phone with only the numbers of her family, publicist and agent on it. "Now her friends just want her to stay in rehab for as long as possible. Only then will she be safe."

CELEBDISH BLIND ITEMS

Which rehabbed starlet was in for addictions even worse than alcohol and cocaine? She's still battling a crystal meth habit.

Someone with experience of our often-cited massage-therapist-loving Hollywood star writes in with a description of exactly how he hits on them: "He tells the therapist that he's had so many massages he's become an expert - then tries to get him on the table so he can massage him."

Which bald billionaire had friends worried because he was walking with a cane? He laughed off speculation he threw out his back while overexerting himself one night in the sack.

From Bricks and Stones:

"Lindsay Lohan's mom, Dina Lohan, is riding the coattails of her daughter's success to attempt to start a TV career. The 44-year-old was hired by Entertainment TV to interview stars on the red carpet at the New York premier of Georgia Rule. Dina is no stranger to exploiting her daughter's stardom for her own benefit. When Lindsay was in rehab, her mother brought ET to "visit" Lindsay at her rehab facility.

"She was so angry there were cameras there," said a friend of Lindsay's. "And people at the rehab center were infuriated."
I wonder if Dina really is a good mother? I heard that she sends Lindsay "care packages" on a regular basis to help her through her hard times in LA. The kind of "care package" that consists of a cardboard box stuffed with three 8-balls of coke, a couple bottles of vodka and a tube of KY jelly. I wonder if Linz and her mom share the same coke dealer?"

"Access Hollywood" reveals that actress/reformed party girl Lindsay Lohan is out rehab. She left Wonderland rehab facility on Friday after completing a 30-day stay publicist Leslie Sloane-Zelnick told Access exclusively. "She will continue as an outpatient," Sloane-Zelnick told Access' Michael Lewittes. "She will take it day by day." "She's in it for the long haul, and she asks that her privacy be respected," the publicist added. Lohan checked herself into rehab in early January days after reports surfaced she passed out at a post-Golden Globes soiree.

Lindsay's version of rehab was like a "Choose Your Adventure" book: On the schedule today is therapeutic arts and crafts in common room B. If you'd like to skip this activity to go shopping with your friends, please turn to page 17. (On page 17) Your doctor is requesting that you be observed during today's therapy session. If you'd prefer to go sober clubbing, turn to page 11.

Soooo...Lindsay Lohan just can't stay away. More like she can't NOT be in the public spotlight. Though technically she's in "rehab", she's been out to lunch, shopping, and now clubbing again. Don't they have like a 10 lights out at Wonderland? Regardless of her intended sobriety, Lindsay hit up Les Deux with party pal (and recently exposed) Paris Hilton, though TMZ spies didn't see her drinking alcohol. Then less than 24 hours later, she was seen sneaking out--alone--of Area night club. Seriously, does she really enjoy the "dancing", the "standing around crushed between shoulders", the "sweaty smell", the "awkward conversation with total strangers"? Maybe I'm just biased against clubbing, or I'm over it, or I'm just not as cool as the Hollywood scene. Because in my day, clubbing was all about getting fucked up, so I just don't believe that Lindsay is going for the "fun" of it. And yes, I realized I overused the quotation marks in this post.

Lindsay Lohan, rehab-goer extraordinaire, has backed out of an upcoming movie, A Woman of No Importance, her rep confirms to PEOPLE. The story, from Bricks and Stones:

"She doesn't want to just yes everyone and compromise herself anymore," says her publicist, Leslie Sloane. "If anything has been learned, it's that what she needs comes first – and right now she needs focus." Currently Lohan is working on I Know Who Killed Me, which had to halt filming for a short time when she had surgery to get her appendix removed, and then later entered the Wonderland Center in Los Angeles. Rather than jumping from movie to movie, Lohan plans to take it easy for a few weeks, according to Sloane, who adds: "It's a mature thing to do. ... She's doing this so she can focus on getting better." (TMZ.com first reported on her decision.) However, that doesn't mean that the actress won't be working. She has upcoming commitments to do publicity for her film, Georgia Rule.A Woman of No Importance stars Annette Bening, with whom Lohan was scheduled to work on Freaky Friday – until Bening bowed out of the role that was eventually played by Jamie Lee Curtis. "Lindsay is sad that she's unable to finally get to work with Annette, because she's a huge fan and respects her," says Sloane.

All I want to know is, is this the movie she learned to stripper dance for? And got the UPPER AND INNER THIGH ACTION bruises? She's so wacky.

Wouldn't you just DIE if your father took a full-page ad out in the New York Daily News, congratulating you on the dawn of your menstration?

Dearest Princess,

You're a woman now, and I'm sooo proud.

Love,
Dad

Michael Lohan didn't quite do that, but it's no news that his "open" letters to daughter Lindsay aren't exactly private. So far from private was the New York Daily News, that he's now opted for his latest "issue" of Dad's Prison Chronicles to be published by InTouch mag, complete in their yellow legal pad glory.

Dear Lindsay,

I'm so proud of you in that you are taking back control of your life and putting it back on track like God wants. Now it's time to "clean house," in every sense of the word, and start anew.

As I've always told you Linds, you are blessed and God wants you to use your blessing to set an example and bless others through it as well. - You have such a kind and loving heart, which is more valuable than the world has to offer. You know that, God knows that and so do I - I've seen it in so many tears we've shed on each others' shoulders, through the love, pain and while helping others. Remember the boy in the wheelchair while we attended ABC Primetime at Disneyland, or how about the little girl with cancer at Leigh Valley Hospital? We sow in tears but can reap in joy Lindsay. But it's all up to us. The treasure is in your heart and that's where it belongs.

What you are going to learn now is that turning to God is the most important part of turning it all around. Living by the truth, God's principles and people who do the same. Make that searching moral inventory and "clean house." Then fill it with love, forgiveness and all that you know is right by God rather than man. People, places and things are huge factors Lindsay, remember that. Believe me, I know! This is a walk you will make with God and a choice of your own. And anyone who offers you advice to the contrary, or advises you to say or do anything which isn't right needs to find a walk of their own.

I'm not going to point fingers, make excuses or expose anyone, but I will say this: You know the truth, I know the truth, God knows the truth, and while that's all that truly matters, living by the truth is the glue that will hold it all together. God is synonymous with truth, just as Satan is the "father of lies." We follow one or the other, it's as simply as that. It's our choice and one which will dictate the course of our lives. But for one second, don't think that what others do won't effect our lives as well. Sometimes we too suffer for the ones we love. No matter how right we may be. It's all part of the cost of being blessed.

This is your chance my love, start from the beginning. Fill yourself with the kind of love and good, God wants you to have and you'll be blessed more than ever.

My heart is with you sweetheart and so am I. Always was and always will be, to the very end. We are one soul inhabiting two bodies. Two in kind. I feel your love, the pain and your presence as I hope you do mine.

I can't wait for the day to hold you, look in your eyes and reap the joy we sowed with our tears. Until then, know that God is with you, and so am I.
- My undying love, Daddy

Uh oh, someone's found God in the slammer. "We sow in tears but can reap in joy"-- truly Hallmark, Michael. I am moved by his fatherly love. Someone get this man a plea bargain.

With all her other cravings being addressed, Lindsay Lohan has now limited her addictions to two things, sent via text message to lothario Brody Jenner: McDonald's and sex. Which, considering her earlier pursuits, are a bit more tame, but knowing Lohan's predilection for addiction, she better moniter those two, lest she become a fat nymphomaniac. The report:

Usmagazine.com has learned that Lohan, 20, who entered L.A.'s Wonderland rehab center on Jan. 18 to treat her addiction issues, has been sending bachelor-about-town Brody Jenner, 23, sexy text messages for the last couple weeks.

We've eye-balled one particularly flirtatious sext-message that Lohan sent Jenner - former flame of Kristin Cavallari, Nicole Richie and Lauren Conrad - last Saturday night in which the 12-stepper, among other requests, texted that all she wanted was "McDonald's and sex."

When asked by Usmagazine.com to comment on Lohan's textual pursuit, Jenner, who just signed a deal to be a spokesman for Scope mouthwash, said, "Sorry, dude. I don't text and tell."

So Jenner has conquered reality whores (Cavallari, Richie, and Conrad--wait, why are they all famous?), now he's moving on to film whores? Hollywood is just one big cesspool of STD's, however at least chivalry is not dead, as A Socialite's Life commented: after dismounting his white horse, Jenner revealed he "does not text and tell."