BREAKING NEWS. Not only do I have the same tattoo as Lindsay (ugh, and Ashlee Simpson, and Gisele Bundchen...) but we smoke the same cigs! Man, six degrees of sep, I feel so close to Lindsay, like we're BFF's. But here she is on New Year's Eve, clutching her Parliaments and her ever-present water bottle. To assure you, the public, that she is in fact, sober. For what, two weeks now? And she's been in AA a YEAR? Did she think she'd just try one step at a time, then go on a drinking bender for a week and go back to the step she left off at? That's like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. Idiot. And apparently, Lindsay has become holier-than-thou despite her frequent club-going (by frequent, I mean five nights a week) and has been lecturing her "friends" about their own habits, such as Joe Francis, the creator of "Girls Gone Wild." From Popsugar:

One source said Lindsay was sitting with Francis until he started having too much fun "hitting on girls." Evidently the antics did not sit well with Lohan. "Lindsay gave him a piece of her mind - they had to be physically pulled apart," we're told. Then she went to sit with Butter co-owner Richie Akiva. Later, spies said, she joined up with her new best friend, Scott Storch, and they "sat together and text-messaged each other." The spat with Francis didn't ruin Lohan's holiday. She was spotted at the Delano Thursday with "a whole new entourage" and "spent yesterday tanning with all her friends in her bungalow." Lohan's rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnick, said, "There was no fight with Joe Francis, and they are friends."

I'll choose to believe the source that said they had to be "physically pulled apart", now that's the info I want. And when are we going to address Lindsay's cocaine addiction? I feel like she's just throwing a bone to the media, like here I'll get sober, will that satisfy you? But really, she's in every bathroom all over LA, snorting everything that's in front of her, all the while holding on to her trusty water bottle: don't forget, I'm not even legal, but I'm sober!