CELEB DISH CUTLETS
--> Recently separated Ryan Philippe and Reese Witherspoon have reunited...for daughter Ava's school play. I really yanked your chain on that one, huh? All your hopes for Hollywood's golden couple to get back together waved before your eyes, then it all comes crashing down, cruelly revealed as estranged parents coming together "for the kids." I don't really think they're Hollywood's golden couple (as evidenced by their split) but I do think they produced some of the more attractive of Hollywood children, Ava and Deacon.
--> Britney Spears dyed her hair black, added black extensions as well as a silver Star of David. Britney, who has dabbled in Kabbalah (this we only know because she wore the trademark red string around her wrist while "studying" the religion with teacher Madonna; she later remarked "My baby is my religion" so she obviously takes the subject very seriuosly), may be experimenting with Judaism because new boyfriend Isaac Cohen is Jewish (really? That name is totally Irish). I'm on the fence about the new hair...can't decide what look I like best. She kinda looks vampy with black hair, but then she goes and ruins the look with some fucked up baby doll dress and cowboy boots. I think blonde suits her better.
--> Radar magazine, testing the "three strikes, you're out" rule of baseball, is back for the third time with a new and improved magazine. This month's cover story concerns the male sluts of Hollywood (Colin Farrell, Jeremy Piven, Benicio Del Toro) and Richworld (Joe Francis, the owner of Revlon, the guy who had a kid with Heidi Klum--B.S. [before Seal]). The most interesting thing to note is that Moby (?!?!) is included on the list, and Radar mentions that he slept with a 20 year old Natalie Portman (?!?!) and uses the line "I really, really, really...wanna fuck you." He is called "stealth toxic" by Radar. And he seemed so peaceful, and vegan-y! Watch your back, electronica fans.
--> Conflicting stories: US Weekly claims that Jessica Biel has snagged newly single Justin Timberlake (after she was yelled at for flirting with JT by an enraged/dumped Cameron Diaz at a Globes afterparty, which obviously didn't scare her away...I mean, have you seen JB's biceps? She's tough) and they went skiing together when JT invited her to Sundance. Their source says "Jessica is fun and spontaneous, so she was like, sure what the hell!" I know that's how I talk about my friends: Tina is spectacular and cool, she's always down for anything! But People mag is maintaining that JT and JB are "just friends." I think that's bc People mag wants to bone JT. I mean, who doesn't? Well, maybe Prince doesn't.
--> US Weekly has obtained (who mails this shit into them?) a receipt for Britney's latest run to the grocery store:
Lean Cuisine One Dish Favorite frozen meal (5)….$10.00
Diet Coke and 7-Up, 12-packs….$7.79
Florida’s Natural orange juice (2)….$6.00
Pampers Easy-ups, size 6…….$10.79
Pampers Swaddlers, size 1……….$10.49
Wait, I thought she preferred Cheetos? New man, new chip? And what's with diapers being so expensive? That's like sunscreen, you have to fucking donate a kidney to be able to afford that stuff. Oh well, at least she's not letting her kids take after mom with some un-diapered crotchshots.
--> Courtney Love apparently has been punked...she supposedly received a call from the producers of "American Idol" requesting that she think about replacing boozy judge Paula Abdul on the show. Executive Producer Nigel Lythgoe refutes this, saying the threesome of Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell, and Paula Abdul will continue their reign of terror, inciting tears and self-esteem blows to contestants all across America. Sigh. Of. Relief. Though Courtney "says" she's been sober for a year, her appearance on the Comedy Central roast of Pamela Anderson would prove otherwise. Seriously, she and Paula are a good match: both claim they aren't touching drugs or alcohol, but act crazy in public. And would Simon EVER put up with Courtney? I think Paula's got him on his last nerve, but Courtney would explode that nerve. And Randy? He's just there, dawg.
--> "Prison Break" costar Lane Garrison was involved in a fatal DUI last December that killed a 17 year old boy...apparently, the kid and two 15 year old girls recognized him at a gas station and invited him to a party. He had nothing better to do than party with teens? Who were probably not that starstruck? On the way to get more liquor, Garrison crashed his Land Rover, with a blood alcohol content twice the legal limit. He also was seen snorting mass amounts of coke at the party and his eyes, according to one witness, "looked glazed over." The Beverly Hills police dep't is recommending criminal prosecution, and there will be a press conference today to determine whether or not he will charged with vehicular manslaughter.