Wednesday, November 22, 2006

As you may have heard, director Robert Altman, 81, passed away yesterday, known for such films as "Gosford Park" "M*A*S*H" and "A Prairie Home Companion", pictured above onset with Lindsay Lohan. She "wrote" a tribute to Altman and released it to the media, but Michael K of inserted his own translation of her words.

"Blohan worked with Robert Altman last year and she seems pretty torn up about his death. Actually, she was probably coked out of her mind and had a blackberry handy where she could jot down her “thoughts.” Here’s her extremely long statement that gives War and Peace a run for its money. I will translate for you in BOLD: “I would like to send my condolences out to Catherine Altman, Robert Altmans wife, as well as all of his immediate family, close friends, co-workers, and all of his inner circle.

“I am really high…this coke is good! You know some people say to get it from Colombia, but damn Mexican coke is better!”

“I feel as if I’ve just had the wind knocked out of me and my heart aches."

“I can’t breathe this stuff is so good.”

“If not only my heart but the heart of Mr. Altman’s wife and family and many fellow actors/artists that admire him for his work and love him for making people laugh whenever and however he could.."

“My heart is beating so fast, I need a valium to counter it.”

“Robert Altman made dreams possible for many independent aspiring filmmakers, as well as creating roles for countless actors."

“Oh and some think RoMan, that’s what I called him, couldn’t get it up. But he sure got it up when I was on my knees.”

“I am lucky enough to of been able to work with Robert Altman amongst the other greats on a film that I can genuinely say created a turning point in my career."

“I had to swallow so he could give me lines on the movie.”

“I learned so much from Altman and he was the closest thing to my father and grandfather that I really do believe I’ve had in several years. The point is, he made a difference."

“The point is…I’m high.”

“He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do."

“I gave him the clap.”

“So every day when you wake up. Look in the mirror and thank god for every second you have and cherish all moments. The fighting, the anger, the drama is tedious. Please just take each moment day by day and consider yourself lucky to breathe and feel at all and smile. Be thankful. Life comes once, doesn’t ‘keep coming back’ and we all take such advantage of what we have. When we shouldn’t….. ‘ Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves’ (12st book) -everytime there’s a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on.-altman Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come. If I can do anything for those who are in a very hard time right now, as I’m one of them with hearing this news, please take advantage of the fact that I’m just a phone call away."

“What am I talking about again?”

"God Bless, peace and love always.Thank You,“BE ADEQUITE”Lindsay Lohan

I know I mentioned this yesterday with Nicole Richie's Myspace post, but seriously, who are the tutors that school these young stars onset? Did they miss the chapter on spelling and grammar and punctuation? "ADEQUITE?" I can only guess she means "adequate" but then she goes and capitalizes it like she knows what she's talking about. I bet even her text messages are horrendous. Here's Lindsay out in London with Calum Best looking well, like Lindsay usually does.

And that's right, she is wearing two, count'em TWO watches, with this "outfit." Didn't Debbie Gibson start that trend?

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