Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Okay, here's chapters 387, 388, and 389 of this fucked-up Anna Nicole Smith tale.

Chapter 377. This story begins in the Bahamas, where ANS and Howard K. Stern (henceforth HKS) have holed up in a rented house that is paid for by...another man who might be the father of ANS' baby girl Dannielynn. The reader may ask, okay, who isn't the father of this baby? Well dear reader, you'll get more character development on this possible father, Ben Thompson, in chapter 388...but check out this excerpt from Celebitchy: "Smith has said that her lawyer, Howard K. Stern, is the father of her baby girl, but freelance photographer Larry Birkhead, has said the child is his. And last week, a report appeared claiming that the father of the baby might be a well-to-do man of a certain age named Ben Thompson. It turns out that Thompson paid for the house, according to buzz, and a source tells The Scoop that Thompson’s threatening to evict Smith." If you'll recall, ANS just made some cash on selling those photographs of her "commitment ceremony" to People magazine, and also has money coming in from the pictures of her dead son Daniel. She's a class act, that ANS. “Anna was supposed to pay him back or pay rent,” says the insider. “She got a ton of money selling photos of her with her baby, but so far, she’s not paying rent. Thompson’s totally disgusted by the whole thing. He’s drawing up papers to get her booted out.”

Chapter 388. So who is this mysterious Ben Thompson, who has paid for ANS and HKS to live in a house in the Bahamas, where she is notoriously free of the obligation to get a paternity test, which would seem very necessary now that three separate men may be the father. His real name is Gaither Ben Thompson and he's an aged wealthy real estate developer, and he has two of the only qualities that ANS looks for in men: money and old age. So ANS was in Florida having sex with Gaither (who I'm now going to refer to as Ben bc that's a better name, I think) while simulataneously seeing celebrity photographer Larry Birkhead, who is more than likely Dannielynn's father. Then she gets pregnant and tries to pin it on Ben, who in ANS' eyes is the more likely candidate for fatherhood because a) he's rich and b) he'll die soon, leaving her millions. As her own half a billion fortune is still caught up in red tape, since she so deserved it after making an 89 year old man happy for a little over a year--that's like a blip in the space time contiuum, especially for an 89 year old--and ANS technically has no real income, it would make sense for her to target another oldie. More from Celebitchy: "Sources say in May of this year, Anna Nicole contacted Thompson to say that he was the father of her soon-to-be-born baby girl. It’s especially interesting because we’re told that Anna Nicole had contacted people familiar with Thompson inquiring about his wealth. That’s when Thompson dropped a bombshell — that it was impossible for him to father a baby because he had already had a vasectomy. Days later, sources say Anna Nicole confessed to Thompson that Larry Birkhead was the father. Birkhead, an entertainment photographer who had a relationship with Anna Nicole, has filed legal papers in Los Angeles to establish paternity." Stay tuned to chapter 389 for more possible daddies and white trash biographies!

Chapter 389: But wait, there may be one more possible father, dear reader: J. Howard Marshall III. That's right, you read that correctly: ANS' long-deceased former husband, whose millions she went to court for, whose son died during litigation, and whose Gollum-like face she used to kiss. How is this possible? According to ANS' half-sister, Donna Hogan, she "always talked of freezing [Howard's] sperm." This is the same relative who calls ANS "a freaking waste of space" for selling photos of her dead son and waiting 39 days to bury him. Oh, and btw, she's publishing a tell-all memoir, so look for it in bookstores.

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